I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
