So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
