I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
