Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
