I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
