I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
