I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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