Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
