my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
