I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
