my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
