just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
