I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
