I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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