She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
