plz talk dirty to me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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