My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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