okay pat passed out under dana's car
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
