Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
