Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
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the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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