brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
