Your face is a jimmy john
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's the barista slut.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
