Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
