Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
