Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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