Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
