I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
