I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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