I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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