his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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