That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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