Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
