Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
