I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
