Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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