Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
