Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize