ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
