I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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