now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
