If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
