at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
