True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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