I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
