I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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