i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
