When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
