Whoa Z and x make the same sound
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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