i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
