Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
