the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
