I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
