If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
