Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
