just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
