what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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