Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
