we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just invented taco cereal.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
