that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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